Cooking With A Girl
The Holy Grail of Cooking
(Or Perfect Burgers In 5 Easy Steps)
By Catie Osborn
There are three things that every guy should know how to do well and quickly. Tie a necktie, craft the perfect burger, and cook a steak to glorious perfection. If you’ve found a special lady friend to do this for you, then consider yourself a lucky fellow. The rest of your friends are jealous. However, it is important to realize that your lady friend may not feel like making 5 dozen burgers for your pals on poker night, so a basic knowledge of the inside of a kitchen is a necessity if you want to maintain your status as Lord of the Grill.
Today, I’m going to show you, Burger Seeker, how to craft a perfect burger in a very short amount of time. This is handy when there is a 30 second time out and one yard left to go. Ever been stuck in the kitchen during a final drive? I thought so. Speed and technique are key. Here we go.
A word on your beef. Beef comes in all different qualities. Personally, I think you should get the highest quality meat you can afford, but if you’re doing a Super Bowl party for 50, no one will judge you if you go a little cheaper. Just make sure that your meat is fresh. I would shoot for a 60-70% lean. You can go as high as 80%, but anywhere past that and your burgers will be dry. Also, ask your butcher to give you a thick, coarse grind. Thin grinds tend to fall apart easily in heat. I like to use ground chuck, which gives you the flavor and the fat but won’t break the bank.
Step One: Prepare The Battlefield
I am not an organized person in the kitchen. However, if you are dealing with loads of spices and gadgets and all of that, it’s a lot easier to have everything set out beforehand. So do it.
Step Two: Heat your Grill
Grilling burgers is a time honored rite of passage that is incredibly easy once you get the hang of it, and incredibly easy to screw up before you do. Start by making sure your grill is clean and free of debris. Scrub with a wire brush if it gets too awful (or consider purchasing a separate grill pan for easier cleaning). Light your grill and let it heat to high heat whilst you prepare the burgers themselves.
Step Three: Make Your Burgers
It is here that I reveal the true secret of a glorious burger: to each his own. I am not going to hand you a recipe and say “this is it”, because that’s just silly. Some guys love their garlic and will mince entire cloves into one burger. Others like a nice kick of chili powder and still others prefer a more steak like taste. I’m not your mother, I do not know what you like. But what I can tell you is that you should get the highest quality spices and herbs that you can, especially your salt. You will never regret buying a good salt.
Here, however, is my personal recipe for burgers:
1 tsp garlic and onion (either fresh chopped or powdered)
1/2 tsp black pepper
Liberal amounts of salt
A drop or two of Jack Daniels
Mix into your ground beef and form into patties.
The trick to making a truly great burger is to remember that the less handling you can do, the better.Forming the patties should be a one, two, three action: Grab a handful of meat, press into a rough circle and finish by fixing any glaring imperfections. Another technique is to cut them with a cookie cutter or (as my dad used to do) a mayonnaise jar lid. This makes a perfect circle and allows for evenly dividing the meat.
Try and form thin patties. While GIANT MONSTER THICKBURGERS seem to have cornered the market, giant burgers can wind up tasting more like meatloaf then burger. You can always triple stack.
After you’ve got your patties, resist the temptation to flatten them to death. Instead, gently press the center with your thumb to form an indentation. This will help the burger flatten rather than poof during cooking.
Now. It’s time to cook.
Step 4: Go-Time
You can form your burger from the best meat in the world and season it with the world’s most delicious blend of rare spices, but if you botch the grilling, you’re screwed. A good burger has a fresh, crisp outside and a soft, pink inside. Unless you like your burger well done. (see above).
To grill, gently place your patties on the grill. Do NOT try to move them for at least a minute, maybe 2, depending on the heat of your grill. When you first put a burger on, the burger will sear itself to the grill and fall apart if you try and move it. The trick is to wait until the burger’s natural juices release it from the grill. When you can easily slide your flipper under the burger, flip and repeat the process until that side is done as well.
Then flip them one more time, until the juices from the burger are clear. You can check the center to make sure they’re done to your liking.
And another thing: No matter what you saw at McDonald’s, do NOT press those burgers with your spatula. All you’re doing is squeezing out the delicious. They appear flatter because you’ve decreased the moisture content. Good job, ace. Dry burgers for everyone!
An alternate way of cooking is to sear the outside like I just described, but instead of flipping them again, remove them from the grill and cook them in a preheated oven at 350 degrees for 10-15 minutes.
Step 5: Assembling The Product.
It is an often forgotten reality that grilling your burger is only half of the battle. After you’ve successfully made your burger, you still need to create your signature masterpiece. I use three different cheeses and homemade buns. (Always toast the buns. Just do it. It’s so much better.)
Find what works. There are a billion different varieties of cheeses and other toppings to put on your burger. Duh.
Grill your onions, try spicy mustard or feta cheese. Be daring. Your lady friend will thank you.
So, go forth and create, Burger God. It’s all on you now.
